Friday, 14 April 2017

Obsessive Complications 10

The Cosmos, pinprick stars. Black. I stumble out, a righteous sense. The words that follow, I, this point in time. 04:06 am. Lithium, Wormwood, Cocaine, 4-Methylmethylphenidate, Ketamin & other poisons. Wisdom teeth sprouting, an abscess & a grey hair. … Consciousness (a sickness,) it separates slowly from the unconscious (filth repressed) & so all proceeds into deepest darkness. Ego (Me. I, Always, It), super-ego (racist, right-wing, tory, homophobe, misogynistic, abusive: Father) the id (infantile, pervert, magic, spirit, soul, scatological, imagination, madness, laughter, innocence, primitive, animism, demonic). Drove out, expelled, banished. Woe to him! I rejoice in ritual … A listless sexual drive of an 80-year-old, Vicar of Christ. So, therefore, miserable, misanthropic with nihilistic tendencies. I detest nature, children, poetry, music, democracy & the liberal arts. I Love, tower-blocks, council houses, asbestos, bricks, concrete & plastic. I'm a thorough troglodyte, hermit, recluse, loner etc. Weirdos, creeps, losers etc., I have attained their level, nothing less! A dogmatic Uber-Nihil Inbred – a self-regarding consumer slave/Lumpen-proletariat – Trash-man. I sometimes write too (if only concerning one's self/ego) ... IObsessidipus!” (my portmanteau). Soul still intact. A former practitioner of ecstatic drug ritual, sex magick & self-mutilation (радéния). I like words, my favourite: CUNT … 03:23 am (& if you're still reading this, well done!). 3,333.3. I don't like 4, 5 or 6 … I like the lunacy of silver moon's, terrestrial stars, White Dwarfs & celestial lights. ... Therapeutic Therapy in Syntax, it helps, a string of words (yes, self-absorbed, pity drivel) but it helps (couch, rat-man, little Hans, the professor, $$$, not needed) 05:01 am … A Pointless Biographical List: 31 years old, male, pathophysiological shyness, unemployed, 1985, library card carrier, OCD suffer, bibliophile, UFO enthusiasts, narcissi, Oedipus, amphetamine addict, alcoholic, cartoonist, dowser, “Special Needs” student, dyslexic, masochist, sadist, Shih Tzu lover, Jewish mystic, sarcastic bore, delusional, a benefits cheat, communist, occultist, fool, believer, unbeliever, with firm belief in nothing, egotistical brat, selfish, pervert, low-life & so on & so forth. … So Finally!: a Neurotic Mancunian Degenerate Primate, with artistic pretensions & problems. … 03:27 am, & a vainglorious member of the Inhuman Race. 

Saturday, 14 January 2017

GBL

I flick through a pharmacopoeia folded yellow paper highlights emerge, relapse - prolapse, so forth. The fish pie - furring over - a pale-green fur...SLIME! Shit stain sheets removed, intravenous – tapped, pumped full of benzodiazepines - sweat shimmer in the shite I stare at faces, nothing more! Back on the rack - back cracked and creaked with the rack - drip dripped I dwell and dwindled, act among the course - corned beef, with its anaemic skin. Odour – ammonia machinations, mentions Moorside, parallax projections paralysis follow - paranoiac projections etc., oral objections, fuck off the ward - resume, free up the rack, so to speak, drip will stop. Seeping pores - a slimy sweat, the ward took on a warped definition, clogging coiling tubes issuing out black blood beyond foolish despair, nightmares continued, old men died slowly farting as they went. Heart racing - pulse slow – skin a cracked desert of lines - I stared into them, deepened blue Stilton complexion - Pass out – burnt out boiling, so to speak, dreamless sleep followed, delirium puke – black formations – wasp-like whispers icy fire burning flesh - greasy Gamma seeping spewing shit - death linger language - nonsense now – visceral viscid heat ignite notions of abnormality - fucked finished, a nurse forces in another pricked cord, eyes take on a yellow hue - crawling skin - ashamed a smell rises falls - rises falls - filth disinfectant follows. Shit is a stubborn stain - matter matron? Matter? Made flesh renal repel fleshed out cropped warts withered mind muddled by obsessive compulsions - compulsive obsessions - slaughterhouse of retched inanities, noxious undernourished flesh taking on a green tint. Broken retention, drip still dripping – QUACK! Hydrochloric vomit reptilian yack - scratching the barrel - dry discharge -ethylene tickle unceasing. Passing out again, so to speak, vomit followed - hysterical – voicelessness - arctic flame - fiery flesh oily Gamma oozing faecal matter expiring communication tortured today – sticky heat erupt. Another nurse forces in another pricked line - eyes take on a pink hue - creeping peeling - numerous remarks – predictions - palsy followed. Paranoid projections pissed up the wall. The psyche is never hatched, nor does it ever cease, nor does it turn later state hatched. For it is unhatched, ageless, perpetual and primal even though the body is dead, the psyche is not – humiliation – mutilation stimulate neurotic obsessional - abattoir spasm - degrading malnourished - taking on a another tone, memory trickles till dripping intravenous - bound with tubing - cerebral – paralysis. I pause to record I feel retched of course always have. Enough! Humour withered - wired full of anxiolytic, stew shine in the shite I gaze, nothing more! Back on the frame, back chapped and creaking with the wrack the dribble dripped I brood, and diminish - pink eyes act among the course - cured meat - rind ripped raw - before its time - tiny little time - slippery secretion - the ward took on a another definition - spiralling tubes - absurd desperation - demented dreams continued. Elderly hands ceased quickly screaming as they went - pumped full - stuffed with cotton wool. Sheets still soiled – incrustations, streaked with silt -the bed-frame creaked with the rhythm of a spine - twisting deformation myriad of memories festering in the corners of a mind - encrusting insects crept across flesh. A conical shade protrusive steaming vegetation - stomach fluttering dry dust in a fine skim. The sleep I did get - was inconceivable in its delirium - Moorside followed.

Thursday, 22 December 2016

Obsessive Complications 9

Another day moon - blazing 7 am web folly forgotten locked in a private act night before a salient artefact - light unbroken peculiar frequency collides with prism – kaleidoscopical filth flux solar anus ruptured … another day another litre – tesco cheap coins exchanged with embarrassed smiles 8 am another day celestial crescent exiled satellite broadcasting mindless chatter across an electric blue sky I people mostly & animals also I realised that one would soon see the full magnitude – of the game of non-being being played out to drive one mad utterly mindless vacuous lunacy … a spectre: Ashtaroth looms malevolent - mother a knavish cunt gained upper hand again - again ... yhwh/elohim/divine creator/lord/god ... but fallen dead throne-less absent king senile madman one's deplorable thoughts unsuppressed a reasoning regression words null & void syntax & structure shat upon - linguistic fabrications form merge bubbling foamy slick slimy slippery vile concoction - liquefied language meaning without sense - sense rendered nonsense shrieking pink embryonic creature shrieking indefinitely 12 pm & here I am what day is it ... birth mama – matrix – most – mysterious … the panting stops distant & beyond normal logic - nonsense now - dust bluish celestial sphere immense demonic dominion chaotic order declared fear follows - paranoia-schizoid-position-depressive-abandon-obsessed-deluded-delusional-disorder & a race who sees it's self as a victim

Detox: Part 2

Morbid desire. Leucotomy pissed, walls crawling with lice and phosphorescence spiders, specks of delirium, a life liquidated. Aching viscus a preserved but empty spirit dying - liver secreting neon green bile. Foul formation, streaked with slimy shit. Creaking floorboards underfoot, twisting spiralling inward contortions, memories perverse - filthy festering in the toilet bowl, steaming shithole filth fauna, puking … third hour in. Brain-pan, sunken entangled infliction. Voices. Small cartoon pink elephant's float like children's balloons, condition rancid. Steaming rank - worse than shit. Dry retch pungent odour of sulphur. Weeping, muttering, forgiveness. Please. Saw-toothed - spit, lustrous brown sponge-like lungs expire, a saccharine vapour. Encephalopathy follows, greenish vomit. Maggot riddled bowls, withdrawal fierce – merciless. Pale plants decomposed in fast-forward. Ingrowing neurosis malady endless ... sleep just a seep – boil on neck swelling- secreting … raped chatter, internal - eternal – extreme screams … Fermented manure – brown-yellow piss excrete. Skin pimpled goose flesh – yellow. Eyes yellow vessels burst blood-shot, leaking toxic tears, pale slime snot issued out in streams. The floorboards covered in a skim of greying glutinous mucus – kneeling praying … spitting … swearing … sneezing out filth. Clotting black blood, incessant and hysterical still more screaming, congealing toxic slurry surging liquid shit. Choking up intestinal tissue, pinkish white tripe - marrow excretion, fragmentation thoughts fermenting fragrant rancid, phlegm luminous green. Pernicious warped words issue out!   

Friday, 16 December 2016

Detox

My only visible human characteristic was a pathological craving for alcohol. Chemically lobotomised. My job lost, my family far away, a philosophy degree piss up a wall in a metaphysical liquidation. Only a word to cast into the dying void, an aching liver a dried up soul. Something had to give, so the drinking stopped...An epiphany, perhaps?
I drifted towards the dark heart of detox with a trembling fatigue, stretched out on my bed sweating out my soul, braced for the lance of a five-year boil. The alcoholic depressant was drawn out in a steady stream, as five weeks issued out in fragments:
Week 1: A circle of pain seeps around the cranium, submerged in an entanglement of blackthorn and vascular vines. Voices whisper as the light bulb glows intensely bursting like a blister - flickering pink butterflies in a flutter out into the atmosphere. Head dipped into the bucket beside the bed, his cackling retch igniting an acrid smell of sulphur as his stomach consumed itself - catalysis combustions – insomnia the works.
Week 2: It started with a sneeze - several times in succession – flecking the bedsheets in luminous snot - peppermint green. Demented hallucinations enmesh the bedroom walls - creeping ivy - beryl moss and belladonnas - coiling dreams - chills shakes, a cyst the size of crystallised oyster. His flesh tissue now fluoresces yellow, and an uncontrollable tremor – insistent. As for Sunday night sprouts into Monday morning.
Week 3: The sheets were filthy – incrustations, streaked with silt. The bed frame creaking with the rhythm of the spine, twisting contortions. A myriad of memories festering in the corners of his mind, encrusting crabs crept across his flesh. A conical lampshade protruding from the steaming vegetation of the carpet - casting a huge moth upon the ceiling fluttering dry dust in a fine skim across an otherwise sticky week. What little sleep he did get - was imaginable in its delirium.
Week 4: Uneventful, but for two points in particular. 1) Unfurling from TV screen in an amusing manner, a pink tongue flaccid and furring over within seconds like a piece of ripe fruit, decaying in fast-forward. 2) A Venus flytrap rising from a bundle of cables - serrated teeth, glistening green it's spongy lungs exhaling a sweet smelling vapour..The week concluding with epileptic fits and more green puke. A Phosphorescent worm burrowed in the fifth, as the withdrawal dwindled.
He Gazed at the once white lilies on the window ledge - a shade of cognac brown now. The ingrown psychosis somewhat cropped...Sickness subsided...delusions, just a seep - clearing up with the cysts...his reptilian cackle – a distant hiss... Friday fermented into a soft vegetation. He lay there shimmering away in his own juices, a smile creeping across his face. The worse was over.
He Rolled in his bed from left to right, right to left, twisting the sheets into a moist cocoon, and fell into a deep perverse sleep. Hours of vomiting, ending in a strange euphoria.