Friday, 8 March 2013

Habit

Dragging oneself from cider a drenched nightmare. scrooping sludge from one's eyes, tongue stuck-dry – alien. Thinking of oneself, bored, witless. Static, zoned-out, complete lack of sex-drive. Working through another morning, pale and pasty, slight shake, anti-depressant 30mg, dinner: noodles again – another day like Groundhog day, incidentally on TV tonight, yellow highlight, 9 pm, ITV. Pulling up jeans just about, brush teeth? later. Getting in gear also - Top Gear 9 pm BBC 1, a clash, blue highlight. Listless. lazy, depressed. Reviewing the TV viewing schedule, no dough (Fiver - only for cider) semi-conscious later, highlight - green. Odious. Unemployed. Unwashed.
Urine essentially cider - cloudy brown - fruity tang - cystitis too. Hoodied - outside acid-rain -bureaucratic sky, peroxide clouds - Northern white. Suntan grills - orange people - melanoma, cell carcinoma cells, precancerous lesions ... Betting, fruit-machines, horses, gambling addiction and so forth ... Bogus white Tudor pub. Dog excrement. A red postbox. Avoiding eye contact always. Gingster pasty. Boozebusters, tinned air, eight tins - bag & chain – sour apple - Strongbow addict. industrially rendered. three years the same shows the same routine, single still living with him and her. No college, no GCSE's no car. No fuckin' life. Purgatory - Manchester, a place or state of being where people exist temporarily to admit their boredom. Inserting key push, inside. Again. Adverts, cat puke. A rerun of a rerun ... First of the day, gulp and repeat. Programs repeat problems repeat the food repeats, the days repeat, the week's repeat, months, years. All repeats ... Dick Van Dyke's Diagnoses Murder, a rerun of a rerun. Cider bloated - sickly sweet - bitter week. Repeats. Sinking dull deadening habit. Habitually hypothesised.

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