I shall twist a noose out of my bed
sheets and hang myself with it, I thought.
But where to loop the loop to top
myself, the thoughts superficial, tiresome enclosed in bland maroon
lacquer. Stretched out again, yes again, on a white fireproof sponge
slab bolted to the floor, brown patches of blood on the sheets mine
own. My thoughts entangled angry indignation under a slight
narcissistic sedation, I cried.
Blue honey comb sheets cover the window
letting in a little humid air. The heavy door opens every hour a
friendly nurse pokes her head through, I pretend to sleep. The place
would be heavenly if wasn't for them voices in my head, and the lazy
dragging hours. Boredom. Reluctant memories. Not knowing what or
where.
A paranoiac sink stares sardonically
before light goes out leaving me in darkness. I lie an listen to the
hollow drip from the aforementioned sink, I clasp my head and begin
to try to untangle my thoughts straighten them out painfully.
I piss into the sink rather than leave
the room, tragically lazy in my thin pajamas. Ridiculously comic.
Pale Blue.
Night falls and the walls close in on
an awful silence, outside I crave to hear a noise to let me know
there is life out there and that I was still part off it and wasn't
entirely alone, as them voices in my head would have me believe,
sleep finally swallowed me up. I woke to a chiming door bell.
Medication, a friendly nurse, and a full day to dwell on my dull
mawkish regrets.
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